Have you ever noticed that the happiest married people you know were also the happiest single people you knew before they got married? Go back and read that sentence again. Have you ever noticed that the happiest married people you know were also the happiest single people you knew before they got married?
I have heard from multiple married friends that prior to meeting the spouse, they got really happy. (Have you heard the same thing from your friends? If so leave a comment and tell us how many friends said this to you.)
How can this concept apply to you when you’re going through a breakup? Think long term. You want to get married one day, right? You want to be happy in your marriage, therefore you want to be happy before your marriage, correct? You want to be happy while you are single.
But your heart is crushed right now. Some days it feels like you want to die. Some days you just want to lay in bed, eat ice-cream, and cry.
But you want to feel better. You want a step by step game plan. And here it is!
No Contact – (decide if you want your ex back or not)
How long should the no contact be?
In most cases 30 days seems to be a good length of time. I recommend checking out Chris Seiter’s websites, ex-boyfriend recovery and ex-girlfriend recovery for further research on what is right for you.
What is the goal of no contact?
The goal of no contact is to give yourself a set amount of time to recover from the raw negative emotions of the breakup and get to a calm, stable, attractive place. From this place you can decide whether or not you want your ex back. If you want your ex back, you can work toward building a new and better relationship with him/her. If you don’t want your ex back, you can begin looking for someone new.
Keep in mind, you have a much higher chance of getting into a relationship from a happy place rather than a desperate place.
What difference does sleep make?
Quite a bit, actually! Read more about how sleep can make you feel better in my article “2 Science Backed Ways to Be Happy Single” http://thehappysingle.com/2017/04/01/2-science-backed-ways-to-be-happy-single/
Will exercise help me feel better?
Short answer. YES! Science show that exercise helps us feel better emotionally. Check out my article “2 Science Backed Ways to Be Happy Single” http://thehappysingle.com/2017/04/01/2-science-backed-ways-to-be-happy-single/ for further reading.
Regular exercise can also help you tone up, lose weight, and boost your confidence.
Can spiritual improvement really help me feel better?
In the long run, YES! And this is the one tip I am giving you that you may not see on main stream ex recovery websites.
I certainly don’t want to get preachy here on the happy single. All are welcome here, whether you are religious or not, no matter what religion you are! I think there are 2 main principles here that you can use to help you feel better.
#1 Peace with God = Peace in your soul. When we do things that don’t align with our moral compass, our self confidence can erode, and we can feel guilty. Obviously, if we then get right with God and straighten out our lives, we can feel better! I for one really like to have peace at the core of my being, in my soul.
#2 Prayer can = Stress/worry reduction. A psychological benefit occurs for women (possibly men too) through talking things out. The great thing about prayer is that we can talk to God about all of our worries and stress and fears, and we don’t have to pay a therapist. God is happy to listen. That can make you feel better!
Also God is able to answer our prayer requests. He doesn’t always say yes. He could answer with, no, wait, or yes. However, God has answered countless prayer requests for me! That definitely makes me feel better! Knowing a being so powerful cares enough about little old me to do something I asked him to… that is just an AMAZING feeling! It is a feeling I hope you, my lovely readers, will experience many times.
What can I physically improve on?
I asked this question, and your mind probably flashed to that one part of you that you know deep down can be improved. This is your chance! Pick one aspect of your appearance to improve on. Once you have conquered that, add in another area, until you are fully confident in how you are presenting yourself to the world. A word of caution here… don’t be self conscious about things you cannot change. Maybe you are short (like me) or tall or bald or older. Accept yourself for you are. Love yourself for who you are. Your goal for this point should be to learn how to present the best version of yourself you possibly can to the public, and practice doing that most of the time. You never know when you might bump into your ex in public or when a friend might post a picture of you to Facebook that your ex will see.
Ideas include: exercise, eat healthy, count calories, do your hair in a more flattering style, update your wardrobe with more flattering clothes (research what colors look best on your skin tone, what shapes look best on your body type, and what colors are most attractive to the opposite sex), groom your eyebrows, trim your nose hair or ear hair (guys), do your nails, do your toenails, update your skincare routine, straighten your teeth, whiten your teeth. And here is a bonus. Wear perfume or cologne and deodorant! People might not physically see it, but it can definitely make you more attractive if you smell good rather than bad.
Will social improvement help me feel better?
Yes. Yes, it will.
You might feel like laying in bed all day and never seeing anyone again. And it is ok to take a week to yourself to recharge and catch up on sleep if you need to.
But then you better push yourself to get out and hang around good wholesome friends! Science proves that the biggest predictor of happiness is social connectedness.
I found a fascinating video on YouTube explaining the longest scientific study on happiness. To read my thoughts on the topic check out my article, “What Can Single People Learn From the Longest Scientific Study on Happiness?” http://thehappysingle.com/2017/03/30/what-can-single-people-learn-from-longest-scientific-study-on-happiness/
Notice the Little Things
What little things should I notice?
All of the good ones!
Notice the butterfly that just landed on that beautiful yellow flower. Notice the tiny orange goldfish babies in your pond. Notice how your friend took the time to text you and ask if you are staying encouraged. Notice the strong waves and the feel of the sand at the beach. Notice the cool, gentle breeze on a hot summer day. Savor that piece of chocolate. Notice the feel of that satin pillowcase on your face. Enjoy the warmth of your heated mattress pad as you slide into bed after a long day. Notice the joyful laughter of children. Be grateful for the wagging tail of your pet. Just notice and enjoy all the little blessings in your day!
Reprogram Your Brain Using Neuroplasticity
What is neuroplasticity?
I hope to write more about this in a future article. Dr. Caroline Leaf conducted some fascinating research in neuroplasticity. Our brains have the power to physically change. We can intentionally rewire our brains.
In this case, I suggest, try to train yourself not to think of your ex too often. When he/she pops into your mind, intentionally try to think of something else. Repeat this over and over throughout your day. Let me know if after a month you think of your ex less often than you do now.
Go out and try these tips, and let me know how it goes in the comments below! Remember to follow me on Twitter @HappySingleBlog, and share this article on social media.